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12:03am 09/09/2013
  yes, i want to move, to feel my heart slip down the zipline into frantic territory, my bones and muscle locking and grinding against the rust and weight of the iron in the rhythmic highways of my blood vessels

i want to know every feather ounce, every crushing ton of freedom cased in skin, muscle scaffolding the tiers and pillars of my china-white bones, the snipsnap elastic tendons joining in a chorus of recoil and whiplash across my joints and sockets

all my pores contracting, squeezing the tiny hairs to standing, the wind-chime tingle across my skin and my chest pauses, throws itself wildly into my stomach, which lurches into the pillow of my gut and swoops to send the wind chimes clattering to the bottoms of my toes

this is my body.
and it wants to move.

(Wish me luck)

The greater to-do list   
09:50pm 11/09/2012
  So I have one job interview possibly lined up. I should at least send out ten more resumes. Three days before I leave, I should print a binder of resumes to hand out in person where I may not have a printer.
I have to go to the bank and purchase a new checkbook before I leave.
I have to move my savings into checking before I leave.
I have to procure boxes for packing by next monday.
I have to give Cambo back his crash pad, and hopefully obtain one of my own.
I have to pack a plethora of things, list to come soon.
I have to find out how to absentee vote, and if I'll need to file a change of address.

Upon arriving in Boulder I must:
Write out first and deposit for Drew and Zach, take photos of the room prior to moving any of my stuff in, and meet up with Drew for a month-to-month lease agreement.
Start a new bank account, checking and savings
Create a P.O. Box in case I start bouncing all around Boulder.
Get a mattress and pallets, hopefully with Steven's help.
Look into government aid, and when I can apply for it.
Obtain a bus pass as quickly as possible.
Obtain a gym pass as quickly as possible.

Things I must pack:

(Wish me luck)

what would i do without spotify?   
02:30pm 17/03/2012
  last night while i was asleep i washed
away my pores and had my last
conversation with you the way i usually can.
there were whirring little spinners
that tickled the rough of my hands
and a weekend exchange of what i want
you to know just in case you
wanted me to take your hand
well i can see the blazing good
and my love for your mellow soul
and i can't hate you 'cause you're free
and you'll be wealthy when you're old
kissing in the flacid points between our
sin soaked night, and we spin wax with favoring dream mixing our heads
up with weak, there were moments which i would regret and then later ask why
and when i went outside as if nobody knew
but the sky, to whom i made shady deals
regarding money and girls
and i can't be done with cheap thrills
and when i thought i felt safe
while i could scrape at my old love
there was a mountain of new taste
hey motion eye, oh how you've turned
into a certain type of ugly person
when your ship has sailed then all
of your shit will fly away

(Wish me luck)

did you hear   
04:11am 19/12/2011
mood: awake
didja hear, didja hear
i sold the devil my old guitar
said there's no music down below
so down with him the music goes

didja hear, didja hear
i gave jesus my book of poems
said the words ain't pretty up above
so i gave him some new words to love

didja hear, didja hear
i begged you to take my heart
said nobody would make you theirs
and now you're tearin' me apart

(Wish me luck)

life is full of mysteries.   
01:34am 06/11/2011

if it weren't such a puzzle, it wouldn't be any fun.

(Wish me luck)

thezapproject list   
10:53pm 06/09/2011
  zaps to crochet for:
*will paxton
*steven thompson
rachel kulchin
joe denicola
*connor schwartz
*lisa passadore
*kristel dorighi
eric williams
*elaine lee
*adam long
*meggan wenbourne

(1 bad liar | Wish me luck)

until we see each other again   
02:10am 13/06/2011
  where to start, where to
pause my motions and try to collect you
between my brain and my breath, stilled by
something you left in your wake

your name was immutable, strong and unsubtle
and shined like polished pitons on a western
face at sunset
and you, you were whipcord
something like a distillery of a man, you boiled yourself down
to your strongest minimum, and were content
to live like that
like a spirit

there's a moment i get to catch
out of the air, with avocado under your fingernails and
a smile frozen between your dimples
i watched your face fold as origami until
your laugh lines showed so clearly
you loved them, we loved them, little
tracks in the corners of your eyes

you told me not to push or pull, but only
to direct
where the power moved, and where it willed itself
to be, and you
over my shoulder, watching me shy away from the needle
and urging me to it again

watch me please, let me fall safely
as every piece i ever place will
endlessly remind me
of you


we miss you, zack.

(2 bad liars | Wish me luck)

07:05pm 03/05/2011
  so, as we know, i am much akin to something like a human trash compactor. i will eat ANYTHING. even if it tastes funny, or if the texture is off, i will still eat is. i may not enjoy it, but i'm constantly hungry.
but every now and again i'll come across something i will choose to avoid. and every time it happens, my mind is blown. something i won't eat? i've discovered the three on this list so far:
braeburn apples
relish, or sweet gerkin pickles
carrot cake

aaaaand...that's about it. that's really all i can think of.

(Wish me luck)

I will post my day in blurbs.   
08:21pm 09/04/2011
mood: ecstatic
Up at 5:30 in the morning? Check Hell's weather report while you're at it.

Happy drive - The Littlest Bird by Jodie Holland is an adorable song.

Crazy costumes, check. Eighties music blasting, check. Scaring all the people at the crag parking lot, check. Go Adventure Team!

Trailblazers and bushwackers abound.

Smurf Pirate Panda, Captain Sexypants, and the Airline Repair Woman summit the...Shaft?

Who knew getting lost could be so much fun?


And more poison oak.

Trails are amazing, especially after not being on one for so long.

Food and cider in parking lot? Yes please!

Sleepy ride home.

(1 bad liar | Wish me luck)

03:31am 08/04/2011
mood: awake
We the globe can compass soon/Swifter than the wandering moon

(Wish me luck)

saving up   
06:27pm 28/03/2011
  for a kawasaki estrella 250.

it's all i can think of wanting right now.

the bow, tattoo and laptop can sit on the backburners.

(Wish me luck)

so many things on the calender   
10:33am 12/03/2011
  i almost don't want to go home. this place is cathartic.

got a big dent in the lion hat done.
now to finish up everything that ever needed my attention, ever.

(Wish me luck)

07:01pm 04/03/2011

(Wish me luck)

matching hats   
02:14pm 20/02/2011
mood: content
i crocheted until i couldn't open my hands last night. nikita and i now have matching hats. they look ok. i'll do better next time.

i had a dream where i drew out all my dreams, where i translated my life into pictures. i was jealous of how much better it looked on paper.


qui tollis peccata mundi
dona eis requiem

(Wish me luck)

a checklist   
01:22am 08/02/2011
  my life has been filled with yarn, ravelry.com, sleepless late nights and wonderful fun creating things. all this on top of everything else that's already in the mix, and i'm fit to burst from all the happy.

the checklist:
talia (ami) -done
tamara (jellyfish) -done
nikita (jayne cobb hat) -done
kim (turtle) -done
me (chain chomp hat) -nearly finished
kristina (anything) - done
melissa (jelly) -done
thaddeous - (worm) -done
clam (unicorn hat) -done
connor (lion hat) - in progress
joseph mcbride (turtle shell hat, 2 seperate pieces) - done
kristina (giraffe hat)
sonny (bender hat http://imgur.com/rf23v)
takashi (blue beanie, square earflaps with button snap bottom)
sammy (koala amigurumi) -done
for fun - brain slug futurama headbands
greg and steven - (beard beanies)
joaquin (katamari)
me (fish hat) (mohawk hat)
cashus (aang last airbender hat) - done
for fun - piranha plant hat with green pompom stem
for fun - alien hominid amigurumi
alex (pokemon hat) - done
black braille scarf - for who? melissa. what message? seek ya the eye of the storm

gotta remember blue sky alpacas yarn. softest thing i've ever touched, even though the price is a little steep. beats the not-so-soft sugar n' cream solids.



(Wish me luck)

these days   
11:19pm 23/01/2011
  the kids i teach are my main source of fun.
where else do i get to crochet, bake cookies and play munchkin with this kind of enthusiasm? it's infectious, and unbridled.

i feel like i'm getting another chance at being a kid after squandering my first one.

(Wish me luck)

Listen to your old words.   
03:59am 12/01/2011
  "I can't say something needs to change anymore. I can only say everything is changing."  

(Wish me luck)

in this drama free world, it's actually just elegantly hidden   
02:09am 08/01/2011
  if we could just imagine, for one second, that it's possible to let go and filter out these little nuances that drive us crazy about each other...

...because really, i'm in the best company, and i wish all my friends could feel the same way about each other. because they all rock.

life is a good and happy thing. and at this moment, i'm realizing that happiness is one thing and one thing only - it's a choice.

(Wish me luck)

zoning to bells   
11:00pm 21/12/2010

(Wish me luck)

03:06am 21/12/2010
mood: quixotic
if they had a name for this affliction, they'd call it moon fever.

i can't sleep. my breath comes short and quick and my chest aches.

my whole room is glowing.

this can't be real.

(Wish me luck)